Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
God, I missed his penis.
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