there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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