is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
