Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
