Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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