made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
