I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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