Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize