I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
