R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everything about him screamed your future.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
