I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
