put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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