This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
