We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
vagina is talking i cant
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
