my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
