I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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