forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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