My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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