Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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