Pappa wants mamma naked
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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