the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Text me some of your sweat
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
