do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
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