I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
