I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
