I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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