There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
