Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why didn't you poke me back
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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