I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, beer. Big fan.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
