i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
