its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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