we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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