It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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