Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
