dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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