i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
