??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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