I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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