So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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