you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
