I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
