There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
