this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
