it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
