Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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