I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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