Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
