just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
