How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
