before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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