and i looked up. we had an audience...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
