you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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