did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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