Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
