after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
