Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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