my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
