my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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