it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
