everyone is single if you try hard enough
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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