Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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