You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
