ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
