last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
