I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
