oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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