im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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