This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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