Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
