On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
