I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize
