btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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