the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize